and NOW, i shall discuss secret IM tactics. as i reveal such
secrets, i feel like the masked magician who must hide his identity for
exposing such well kept secrets from the world. guys like mike kim and
billy lim may never talk to me again, but hey, i gotta do what i gotta do
for my loyal telnet followers. please remember that i, myself, have made
HUGE personal sacrifices in revealing these secrets, for now i am
prevented from using them myself. now that i can no longer be sneaky via
Instant Messenger, i hope that i am now able to empower you to be the
sneaky one.

TRICK #1) YOU ARE NOT THERE. but you really are. see, i am a strong
believer of multiple SNs....each SN with a different tier of importance
and/or function. for example, my SN is SJSONG1. that is my universal SN,
which i give to the entire world. i dont care who gets it or who has it.
people would say to me "gee Scott, couldnt you think of a more creative
SN???" then i say, "You shut your mouth, foolish one! Do you actually
think that that is the extent of my creativity? have you not learned by
now that i will always be 5 steps ahead of you??!!! be gone!!!"

so i may have one or two SNs meant to be unseen by the public.
this way you can load up your normal buddy list and under preferences,
make sure you set it so that "no one knows anything about you". they
shouldnt know you exist. this way you can screen who is online first
before actually going online. this way, you dont run into annoying people
online who you don't want to IM you.

this is the most basic of secrets....if you even call it a secret.

TRICK #2) YOU ARE THERE. uh.....this is the opposite of the first trick
called YOU ARE NOT THERE. uhh...okay. anyways, this trick is usually
used by girls a lot more than by guys. this is what happens. lets say
i'm a girl, and a guy who i like is online. i (as a girl) really want the
guy to IM me. maybe i had an away message posted for several hours and
now i want the guy to know that "i'm back". so this is what i do. i log
off, then log on. this way i get the funky door to open and it makes that
noise. this way, the guy notices that you got online and hopefully he
will IM you. see, these girls dont want to appear too aggressive, so
instead, they become PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE...meaning that they actively CREATE
opportunities for guys to approach them. the girls say NOTICE ME!!! in
hopes that the guy does notice her and instigates the IM conversation.

now, am i saying that every time a girl logs off then back on
right away is trying to get your attention? of course not. why? b/c
first of all, they may have just had computer problems. secondly, they
probably have many many people on their buddy list...who is to say that
YOU are the guy whose attention she is trying to get??? you so cocky! =)

TRICK #3) DON'T LOOK TOO DESPERATE. the only other thing that makes
someone look desperate on IM other than what they write is WHEN they
write. never IM someone right when they log on. unless you really dont
care what they think. always wait a few minutes before IMing that person
you were dying to talk to. even when GUYS IM me right when i get online,
i still feel suffocated. so imagine how much worse it must be when
someone of the opposite gender always says hi right when you log
on....give the person time to settle down and at least LOOK at their buddy
list!
and the other problem is when people IM you too much! some people
love to IM you every time you are online, which personally i find kinda
annoying. i mean, there are some people who i IM rather frequently, but
not EVERY SINGLE TIME i see them. people who do that make me feel so
claustraphobic. like, i can click "I'M BACK" after being away for a while
and literally count to 5 and guess who is going to IM me within those 5
seconds. it's like, i log on 3 times a day, and they IM me three times a
day. make it stop!!!!

TRICK #4) FAKE SCREEN NAMES. on IM, the uppercase I and the lowercase L are almost indistinguishable.
so if someone had the SN: Lilyflower, you could create a new SN called LiIyflower (notice the difference???)
and start talking to that person's friends pretending to be them. so how do you know
when you are talking to the REAL Lilyflower? make sure you set the option to warn
you when a new buddy IMs you. this way, if the real Lilyflower is already on
your buddylist, it should ask you to accept a message from the fake Lilyflower.

TRICK #5) SPECIAL SCREEN NAMES. in addition to my universal SN and my secret SNs,
i also have special screen names. i mean, you ever find
yourself in the situation where you are IMing someone you really
wanted to talk to, only to be interuppted by someone else IMing you? i
swear, sometimes the SAME PEOPLE KEEP IMing YOU EVERY STINKIN DAY,
RIGHT??? and when you are IMing someone you never talk to, it gets
annoying when these same old people keep saying HI!!! sometimes mike kim
will be online and will be IMing three or four girls at the same time...and then i
may IM him to say hi....and he just writes: "LEAVE ME ALONE!!! YOU ARE
DISRUPTING MY GAME!!!" so we all know how frustrated it is when your flow
of thoughts get interuppted by someone you see on IM every freakin day. so
these special screen names are for when i want to have a secret SN, but still
be able to IM a couple chosen friends. this allows you to have uninterrupted
conversations with people you want to talk to. its just like making a secret SN
(make sure to not allow users to know anything about the existance of your SN).

TRICK #6) THIS IS NOT SCOTT. i, myself, just learned this trick a month
ago, and have never ever used it. when someone you really despise IMs
you, just write, "Oh, sorry, this isnt (fill in the blank). I'm just
using his/her computer." that way, you dont have to talk to the person
and you dont have to hurt their feelings. But be sure to use this tactic
sparingly, for it cannot be repeated towards the same person often without them
catching on. FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY!!!

TRICK #7) TO BLOCK OR NOT TO BLOCK??? this is the ultimate question. it
is so risky, yet the payoff is sooo good. on one hand, you may never have
to IM that annoying person ever again. on the other hand, they may notice
that they are blocked when they log on using another SN.
personally, i dont believe you should ever block anyone...simply
b/c almost everyone has mutltiple SNs and its just too risky. and even if
you THINK you know all of that person's SNs, i still wouldnt risk it b/c
they may have secret ones or maybe they will make a new one later.
the only condition in which i would block someone is if i WANTED
them to know that they were blocked. personally, i am not that mean, but
for those of you who are, keep reading.
one must always block with the understanding that they might and
probably WILL find out. if you dont mind them finding out, then go ahead
and block them. maybe they are so socially dense that they need to figure
out that they were blocked for them to realize that they have a problem.
or maybe it is someone of the opposite gender that you think likes you and
you want them to get the hint that you dont like them back....then block
them and hope they find out. then they will get the hint without you
having to say anything. but never ever do this to someone who is really
confrontational...cuz then they'll be all up in your face and crying and
crap. and you know how much we all hate cry babies...

well, thats all i have for now. use these tactics wisely and i
hope you have all learned at least ONE thing from reading my plan that you
didnt know before. and please dont be paranoid with me...remember, i
dropped all these tactics for YOU! all for YOU! and dont think that just
because you log off and on that i think you like somebody. just dont jump
to conclusions in general. i realize that one of the most important
statements i ever heard is this:

"You realize not to care about what others think of you when you
realize how little they do."

i am never thinking of any of you. hahaha.